


absolutely, positively, not—

by cathrheas



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, I aggressively continue to make up details for characters we never see, Internalized Homophobia, Rating May Change, a little fluff, although Catherine mentions being horny in one paragraph, hardly any real ship content in chapter 1, i make up christophe's appearance and personality almost completely, like catherine's academy days, pre-game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathrheas/pseuds/cathrheas
Summary: Cassandra runs into some trouble with her fellow students. Lady Rhea lends an ear.
Relationships: Catherine/Rhea (Fire Emblem)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> May or may not let them fuck in another chapter. Be forewarned

One day, Cassandra cut her hair.  
  
She had no particular reason why. She had a sharp blade and nothing to do, so she cut it. It had been nearing her waist at the time, and it was freshly washed, dripping onto the floor of her bedroom. She cut it just beneath her shoulders, and stuffed the discarded hair in her drawer. The next day, her fellow classmates made a point not to say anything, but made sure to look at her sideways.  
  
Christophe, of course, was too good-natured and innocent to keep his mouth shut about it, so they passed notes back and forth in class so she could defend herself.  
  
_Why did you cut your hair?  
  
I don’t know. Felt like it.  
  
Your parents will be upset.  
  
Whatever. It’ll grow back before we graduate. We have a few months.  
  
Seriously, why did you do it?  
  
I already said why, leave it alone._  
  
He stared at the note for a few long moments before he returned it. That was the first hint of trouble.  
  
_It looks nice.  
  
Want me to cut yours too?  
  
I’m not letting you put a sword that close to my throat!_  
  
It wasn’t like Cassandra particularly missed it. She didn’t need it. It was hair. Quite frankly, she knew she was plenty good-looking without hair to her ankles. Less hair meant less hair-care, and it didn’t get in her way as much when she was training. She felt good about it. And despite what she told Christophe, she didn’t let it grow back. Whenever she saw it getting too long, she took a sword to it and pulled it back into a ponytail again.

* * *

The rumors started after that.  
  
People talked about her before, for various reasons, but the homosexual rumors—the rumors that made girls stand a little further away—flared up significantly after she cut her hair. Christophe told her first.  
  
“It doesn’t matter to me, of course,” he said. “If it makes you happy to like girls.”  
  
“I don’t. I just want my hair short. I’m not the only girl with short hair, here. And it’s not even that short.”  
  
“It’s not just the hair,” Christophe said. He didn’t want to talk about it, it seemed like, but he felt like he had to, out of some duty to Cassandra. And, as unfair as she knew it was, Cassandra was irritated with him for it. Even if he was just being honest. “You’re so...aggressive, I guess? Not to mention, Lady Rhea. I’m not saying I agree with—”  
  
“We should _all_ be grateful to her! She’s the reason why we can become knights!”  
  
“Let’s not have this argument again...”  
  
Cassandra reached up to her lower shoulder, looking for her hair. She had cut it weeks before, but it was still a habit for her to look for it. Christophe’s hair was a little long, black and curly. It came down to his ears. Was he gay, too, since his hair was long? Since he was sensitive? “I’m not arguing. Or am I just being aggressive again? Like any other—”  
  
“I don’t care if you like girls, Cass.”  
  
Cassandra wanted to argue again. _I’m not, I don’t._ But he had mentioned Rhea, and—that didn’t change how she felt, she knew who she was, but she just didn’t want to talk about it for some reason. That was all. “Fine, Christophe. Whatever.”

* * *

Cassandra started lashing out. The girls, the boys, whoever dared to say that word her way. _Homosexual._ Or _she’s like that, huh?_ Or _I had a feeling_ or _I thought so_ or _she’s always looked at me a little funny_ or _does she know I don’t fancy her like that_ or _that’s sort of gross_ or _is that why she’s so obsessed with the archbishop?_ With no pretense, no remarks, and no defense, Cassandra threw punches as fast as she could. It was harder for people to talk with a busted lip. Soon enough, the rumors about her being gay dwindled to subdued whispers. Instead, they called her a beast, a freak of another kind. That was fine. She could take that. If anything, she felt cool. Like she’d taken something back.  
  
As she expected, another problem cropped up. She’s sitting off in the corner of the dining hall with Christophe when a knight comes to escort her to Rhea’s office. She’s always wanted to see that office, wanted to have talks with Rhea. Any kind of talk, about the weather, or the teachings of the Goddess, or about nothing at all.  
  
She didn’t want to be disciplined, though. And she knew that was what was coming. She felt the urge to run, but there was a knight there, and Christophe wasn’t too bright—he was too sweet, really. He’d turn her in without a second thought because he was too dumb to lie. So, Cassandra scarfed down her lunch and followed the knight up the stairs, straight back into the audience chamber and into Rhea’s office.  
  
The knight closed the door behind him. Rhea was sitting in her chair, and Seteth was standing by her side.  
  
Cassandra couldn’t help it. She started crying as soon as she saw Rhea’s face—straight-laced, stern, _disappointed._ She didn’t care who else was there, who all saw. She held back her sobs, but her lips were quivering, and she couldn’t stop the tears from running down her cheeks. Through her blurry vision, Cassandra saw Rhea’s eyes soften.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she hiccuped. “It—it wasn’t even my fault. It wasn’t. I promise, I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have to, but I had to.”  
  
“What did you have to do?”  
  
Seteth’s voice. Cassandra couldn’t respond. They seemed to be waiting for her to say something, but they already knew about all the students she’d hurt—why ask her? Rhea hadn’t spoken up until then, but after a few painful moments, she said, “Seteth, I believe I can handle this on my own.”  
  
“Lady Rhea,” Seteth said, in a whisper so forceful that Cassandra couldn’t help hearing it. “This is serious. We’ll have to expel her, or else the parents of these students will—”  
  
_Expelled. Expelled. Expelled._  
  
“I will do what I see fit. Please, leave me,” Rhea said. Cassandra watched Seteth leave out of the corner of her eye. She started to wipe the tears off of her face. She had to pull it together, she told herself, she had to explain herself to Rhea. What did she see fit? Was Cassandra just going to be expelled anyway? Then she had to go to her parents, and explain the hair, and the reason _why_ she started to hit those students.  
  
“Please don’t expel me,” Cassandra said.  
  
“I’m not going to do that, so long as you tell me the truth.” Rhea seemed distressed. Cassandra watched her often, whenever she could. The way Rhea clasped her hands was a little different than usual. “However, Cassandra, you need to understand the weight of this situation. You—”  
  
“I know, I do!” Cassandra took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for interrupting you. But, I get it. I know it was wrong, but...they were wrong, too. They were saying things about me that weren’t true. Things that could ruin my life if people thought they were true. I had to stop them.”  
  
“What were they saying?” Cassandra opened her mouth, but nothing came out. No—she’d rather get expelled. What they said...if Rhea believed it...getting expelled was better than that. Cassandra held her silence, and Rhea stood, walking around the desk and kneeling at Cassandra’s side. She tucked a strand of hair behind Cassandra’s ear. Her stupid, stupid hair. “Cassandra, I can’t help you if you don’t—”  
  
“I know. I know, I just...if I tell you what they said, I want you to know that it’s not true. I want you to know that you can’t believe it,” Cassandra said. She was being too casual with Rhea, she knew it, but Rhea was asking her to open up, so she would. Her way. “Promise me. Please.”  
  
Rhea nodded. “I know you’re an honest girl, Cassandra. If you say it is not so, I will believe you.”  
  
“I cut my hair,” Cassandra said.  
  
“I noticed. Why did you do that?”  
  
_She did? She noticed?_ “No reason. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. Maybe I just—I sort of got sick of it, y’know? The hair, and...taking care of it, I guess. I didn’t really want it that long, my family did. I mean, they do. But I didn’t want it long anymore. It doesn’t mean anything, but everyone made it out to mean something.”  
  
“What did they say it meant?”  
  
“They’re twisting my words.” Cassandra continued to beat around the bush. She couldn’t say it. _They think I’m a homosexual. They think I like girls. It’s not true, I’m not, I don’t, please get it._ “I—I look up to you, Lady Rhea. You’re everything my parents want me to be—and more. You’re so kind, and so forgiving, but you still keep everything in order. And you keep your hair long, but it’s still gorgeous. But mine just looked bad. I was just the worst version of what everyone really wanted me to be. So, yeah, I said some nice things about you to everyone else, and they...they took it the wrong way. Completely wrong.”  
  
Rhea smiled. “I am glad you regard me so highly, Cassandra. Are the students upset by your dedication to your education here? It’s not unusual for students of talent, like yourself, to sometimes be the target of jealousy from their peers.”  
  
“No, it’s—it’s not the education,” Cassandra said. Rhea wasn’t _getting_ her. “Like...it’s you. I really like you, Lady Rhea. As a person, because you’re great. That’s all. But people take that, and my hair being a little shorter, and me liking training, and stuff, and they make it look completely different from what it is! They think of me as...they think I’m...”  
  
Rhea searched her face for a few moments. Then, she sighed, shutting her eyes. “I think I understand the situation.”  
  
“You do?” Was that a good thing, or a bad thing? Did Rhea _like_ what she was understanding?  
  
“I do.” Rhea sighed again. She was upset. She had to be. Cassandra bit her tongue. She should have made something up. “These other students seem to think you fancy women.”  
  
“It’s not true,” Cassandra insisted. “The way they talk about me—that’s not—I’m not like that. I just want to live life like _I_ want to live it. I want to just go to class, and graduate, and be the best knight I can. I want to make you proud. That doesn’t make me...”  
  
“And you will. You’ll do all of those things, and more.” Rhea thumbed away the few stray tears, and Cassandra’s heart seized up. When was the last time Rhea had been so...so close? Cassandra imagined those talks again. Her and Rhea, sitting close to one another, talking about anything and everything. Maybe...this was good enough. “Listen, my dear. It is alright for you to be honest with me. Is there...any truth, at all, to what they’ve been saying?”  
  
“No!” Cassandra pushed Rhea’s hands away like they stung. “It’s _not_ true. I already said it wasn’t. I don’t—”  
  
Rhea wouldn’t let herself be swatted off, however. She held Cassandra’s cheeks again, a little firmer. “Please, listen, Cassandra. If you say yes—even if you are not sure—it will not leave this room. Do you understand me? Nobody has to know.”  
  
“I’m not,” Cassandra said. Could Rhea feel her shaking? “I...I don’t...”  
  
“It’s alright.”  
  
Cassandra put her hands over Rhea’s. She was so warm. “I swear, I’m not.”  
  
“Cassandra?”  
  
They had it all mixed up. It was their fault. They were confused. "Wearing your hair different from how you're 'supposed' to wear it...working hard at training even though you're a girl...those things don't make you a—a homosexual. That's not what it is. Christophe's hair is long, and he's not gay. He doesn't like men."  
  
"That's true. Those things don't make you—"  
  
It boils down to one thing, doesn't it? "Liking girls makes you gay. And I don't."  
  
"You don't?"  
  
She’d never felt like this before, though. “I just—it’s only you.”  
  
“Only me?”  
  
Maybe once or twice before, but it didn’t matter. “I’ve never liked anyone else. I mean—a few other girls, but not like this. Not like you. But...this isn't it, is it? This isn’t how it should be. This isn’t love. I just—you let me come here, and I’m so happy here, at the academy. And you’re so nice, and pretty, but everybody thinks so. So why is it just _me_ that people make fun of? I’m sick of people not listening! They talk about me like I’m something filthy, but I’m not.”  
  
“I know you’re not filthy. It doesn’t have to be filthy. You’re a young woman, now, and you’re going to be feeling a lot of different things. None of them are wrong, I assure you.”  
  
How could it not be wrong? All of those times she had thought about those imaginary little talks with Rhea blossoming into something more, all of the times she had overheard her classmates talking about sex and wondering what Rhea sounded like when she moaned, just because she was curious—how was it not wrong? But Rhea wouldn’t lie to her.  
  
“Don’t hate me. Please. That’s all I want. Don’t expel me. Please.”  
  
“I don’t hate you, Cassandra. This is something that’s out of your control, out of my control. The Goddess made you this way, and she did so with purpose,” Rhea said, caressing Cassandra’s cheek. “And you’re not alone. There are people who feel the same way as you, people who want to live their lives whichever way they want. Some of them are closer than you think. When you find those people—the ones who truly understand—the naysayers will be little more than a memory. Do you understand me?”  
  
Some of them are closer than she thought? Cassandra wanted to ask, wanted to ask the question that was bubbling deep in her gut where her hopes and fears resided, but she didn’t. “I understand.”  
  
Rhea smiled, giving Cassandra’s face a loving squeeze before letting go. Cassandra wondered if it was all a dream. If she was hypnotized. “I’m glad. See? That wasn’t too excruciating, I hope.”  
  
Cassandra laughed, as much as she could with the lump in her throat. “No. That was...that was fine.”  
  
“I will uphold my end of our bargain. You told me the truth. Correct?”  
  
“I could never lie to you, Lady Rhea,” Cassandra argued. Even when she tried to hide it—even when she wasn’t sure what she was saying—she couldn’t lie, in the end.  
  
“Then consider yourself a continuing student here.” Cassandra should have felt relieved, but she was still tense. Of course, Rhea wouldn’t just let her go... “That being said...you will have to apologize to the students you hurt.”  
  
“Okay...I will. But...if they—”  
  
Rhea stood, shaking her head. “Do not fret over anything else. I understand they’ve been bothering you. I’ll take care of that personally. But, you owe them an apology nonetheless. For your parents’ sake, Cassandra. Please, be logical. If they feel as if proper retribution hasn’t been enacted, word will inevitably return to your parents, and what we discussed will certainly be revealed. Is that what you want?”  
  
Cassandra couldn’t deny her when she spoke like that. Even if it was going to kill her inside to apologize to those filthy rat classmates of hers, the ones who were too scared to insult her to her face. It’d _kill_ her, but... “No.”  
  
“Then, apologize. To everyone. Do you understand?”  
  
“Yeah. I get it...”  
  
“Excellent. Let me know when that has been done, and we will proceed with the latter half of your discipline.”  
  
_Goddess, there’s more?_ Sure, she broke a few noses, but...weren’t her classmates training to be skilled in combat? What the hell were they whining about a fistfight for? “Okay. I will.”  
  
Cassandra stood, and Rhea walked her to the door. Cassandra half-expected Seteth to be standing outside, waiting for Cassandra to walk out and go pack her bags to get shipped off to Faerghus. Instead, they were alone in the audience hall.  
  
“Heed my words, Cassandra,” Rhea said, as if Cassandra didn’t hang off of every single one. “You’re a wonderful girl. A lovely girl. So, please, do not lose yourself in the words of those who know nothing about you.”  
  
“...Yeah. You’re right. I won’t.” _They don’t get me. Not like you do._  
  
“You might want to return to the dining hall and see if you can talk with a few of your classmates.”  
  
_For what?_ Cassandra thought for a moment. Already, she’d almost forgotten that she had to apologize. However, Rhea had said she should do it, and Cassandra owed her quite a lot already. Whatever punishment Rhea had in mind, Cassandra would do it. “Okay. I’ll go now. Um, thanks, Lady Rhea. For everything. Really. And, tell Seteth I’m sorry, too.”  
  
Rhea gave her one last meaningful smile, and Cassandra got started out of the hall. Once she was out of sight from Rhea’s watchful eyes, she couldn’t help breaking into a grin. There was something good inside of her. Something bright. Like she was on the brink of something amazing. Maybe they were wrong about her, still, or maybe they were right. Cassandra didn’t really know. But Rhea had told her it was okay—Rhea had listened to her, even when she wasn’t sure what she was saying, and told her she understood.  
  
Cassandra owed Rhea one. Big time. She’d find Christophe, and they’d go around finding the kids she’d beat up, and he’d stand around for moral support while she worked up the courage to say sorry.  
  
Then she’d go back to her room and give her hair a little trim.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops

“That was a close one, Cass. I can’t get over it. You were really almost kicked out.”

“I know. But we’re all good now,” Cassandra whispered. “I didn’t get the boot, and nobody’s messing with me anymore. Everybody wins.”

Professor Hanneman turned, giving them both a stern glare, so they quieted, sinking into their chairs in the back of the classroom. Cassandra had been so caught up in her apologies to her “victims” that she’d hardly had the chance to have a good conversation with Christophe. She didn’t even know what to say, really. However, Christophe didn’t know when to quit; for him, being nosy was a sign of affection. Within a few minutes, he was passing a note to Cassandra, hastily written.

_What did you even say to Lady Rhea to get her to let you stay? I’m happy you got to, but I’m curious._

_I just told her the truth._

_That the kids were bothering you?_

_Yeah. And something else._

Just like before, Christophe stared at her note for a few long seconds, his pen frozen mid-air. Carefully, he wrote out his response and passed it back.

_Is it true, Cass? Is that what you told her?_

_Yeah. I know I said no before but now I’m not sure. I’m sorry I lied._

_You didn’t lie, you just weren’t sure. That’s okay. It’s okay if it’s true, too._

_I know, you don’t have to tell me again. But, it’s just Lady Rh_

Cassandra’s pen jumped across the parchment when she heard Hanneman’s voice, loud and booming through the classroom. She could appreciate being loud—she liked to shout every now and again—but she really felt like he did it on purpose just to scare her. “Well! Christophe and Cassandra. Aren’t you two studious, sharing notes with one another? Why don’t you share your review tactics with the class?”

Christophe seemed scared out of his skin. Cassandra normally would have mouthed off, played it up for laughs, but she was already on thin ice. She didn’t need anymore complaints getting back to Rhea. “We were...discussing...the advantages of...different types of...terrain. On the battlefield.”

“Interesting, considering that I didn’t cover that in lecture today.”

_I give up. When in doubt, laugh it out._ “Yeah! It’s a, ah, extra-curricular discussion, because we’re just that studious! You should try it sometime, Professor. Maybe one day you’ll manage to have a good head on your shoulders like us.”

A chuckle rolled over the classroom. Hanneman had the slightest hint of an upturn in his lips, but he contained it. “Save your extra-curricular discussions for _after_ class, please, Cassandra. I pray we’ll all learn from your example.”

“Yes, sir!”

Cassandra looked at the clock. Only thirty minutes left. A long thirty minutes, probably, but just thirty. The note could wait. She looked down at Rhea’s name, half-scrawled on her paper. Maybe what she wanted to say was best left unwritten, anyway.

* * *

The second half of Cassandra’s punishment didn’t seem like a punishment to her at first. She was to come to Rhea’s office after lunch and sort papers, rearrange bookshelves, and run messages around the monastery, among a few other things. In theory, it sounded like the perfect way to spend her time: helping Rhea do whatever needed to be done and working off her debt at the same time. 

However, she was bad at sitting still, and she was even worse at sitting in silence. Rhea didn’t talk much while she was working, aside from the occasional bout of humming (which Cassandra savored). Whenever Rhea sent her out of the room, Cassandra jumped up like a spring, dashing down whatever hallway Rhea had sent her towards.

Even worse, it was hard to focus. Rhea was _right there._ And, of course, Cassandra had a lot to contemplate. She’d caved in and admitted that she might have been—what was the word for it? Homosexual? Gay? One of _those_ girls? Nothing sounded right—she might have been _interested_ in girls, but she’d really only admitted it to Rhea and Christophe. She was still trying to admit it to herself. So, she’d just stare at Rhea sometimes, for minutes at a time, and wonder what it was that she was feeling. Before she knew it, she’d be behind on whatever task Rhea had asked her to do.

Rhea hadn’t set any particular time limit on Cassandra’s “punishment”. Truth be told, Cassandra thought she enjoyed the company a bit. Every now and then, when Cassandra went to stare, she’d see that Rhea was staring instead.

_Ugh...this is awful...I’ve gotta do something._

“Lady Rhea? May I, um...can I...address you?”

Rhea looked up from the book she was reading, tilting her head. “My, my. It’s not often that I hear you speaking so formally.”

“Sorry. For not talking like this before, I mean.”

“I would have corrected you if I felt you were being disrespectful, but that is not the case. Address me however you wish. Now, there was something you wished to say?”

“Yeah. Uh...can we talk?”

“Absolutely. Are you having trouble with your work?”

“No, it’s not that. I just...” Goddess, why did she open her dumb mouth? She didn’t even know what to say. She’d always wanted to talk to Rhea, just to _talk_ to her, and now that the opportunity had arisen, she was at a loss. “I just want to talk. About anything. Sorry I bothered you.”

Rhea seemed a bit taken aback—no, more like, pleasantly surprised. Cassandra wanted to think of it that way. “I understand. You are the type of person who doesn’t do well in quiet environments, aren’t you? I am much the same. I prefer a little noise as I work.”

_I can’t tell!_ “Really? You were so quiet this whole time, I thought I’d be bothering you by asking.”

“Well, you _are_ quite noisy. Rustling papers, making sounds or talking to yourself when you’re frustrated, the like.”

“Huh? I didn’t know I did that...yikes, that’s embarrassing. Sorry again, Lady Rhea.”

“Why apologize? I told you, I enjoy it.” _She enjoys me? She enjoys me, really?_ “We can talk if you’d like. But, for future reference, it’s standard to bring a topic to a conversation that you initiate.”

Cassandra panicked. What did she have to talk about? She usually talked a lot, but everything she liked discussing seemed stupid when she was talking to Rhea. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Cassandra said, stalling. “Um...well...there’s...”

Rhea laughed. “Worry not. How is this: tell me about your classes.”

“Huh? Classes? They’re going great! Thank you so much for letting me attend, still, Lady Rhea,” Cassandra said. _I’m getting off-topic, though. I didn’t even answer her question._ “But, yeah, Professor Hanneman is really awesome. He’s a little—um, never mind.”

“Oh? Speak your mind. I wouldn’t repeat your words to anybody.”

“That’s not the problem, it’s just...well, I was going to say he’s strict, but the truth is, me and Christophe goof off a lot,” Cassandra admitted. _Why am I telling her this? Why, why...she’s gonna think I’m an awful kid._ “Nothing bad! We just—okay, it’s me. He’s a good kid. I just kinda rope him into stuff. But, really, nothing bad. We pass notes, and talk a little during class. But we’re doing great! We pass all of our exams, and we do great in mock battles. The Blue Lions haven’t lost one yet!”

“Yes, yes, I’ve heard. Due largely in part to your strength, I’m sure.” Rhea closed her book. Oh, they were _really_ having a conversation. Like, a real conversation. Cassandra’s heart was racing. “Of course, I can’t condone you talking in class...but I suppose Hanneman has scolded you quite enough, if you were ashamed to admit it.”

“Yeah! In front of the whole class, too,” Cassandra huffed. “The old—uh, anyway...” _Okay. Don’t just talk about yourself. Ask Lady Rhea...something._ “Um...how’s...Seteth?”

That was such a strange question, Cassandra thought, but Rhea responded well. In fact, she seemed more than happy to discuss him. “As fussy as ever, of course. He’s quite surprised to see that you’re still here, but ultimately, he trusted my decision. He seems quite harsh, but I truly believe he’s keeping up appearances so that students will stay in line...”

Did Rhea just tell her a secret? Nobody else knew that, probably. Cassandra had just obtained secret information from Rhea, just like that. Rhea was still ten times more sophisticated, and eloquent, and _beautiful,_ but when they were talking so casually, Cassandra almost felt like they were equals—aside from the few times where Rhea had to remind her to keep working.

That day, they worked and talked until dinner. Cassandra panicked when she saw that the sun was starting to set. “Whoops. Christophe doesn’t know where I am, probably...we were supposed to go to the training grounds together.”

“Ah, I see. My apologies for keeping you. I lost track of time myself,” Rhea said. Why did that make Cassandra feel so happy? Christophe could kick rocks, for all she cared. Lady Rhea _lost track of time_ talking to her. “You’ve done more than enough. You are dismissed for today.”

“Alright! Th-thanks, Lady Rhea. For talking with me.”

“It was my pleasure, dear. Have a great evening, okay?”

Cassandra nearly skipped out of Rhea’s office. _Have a great evening,_ right? It was always easy for her to keep her spirits up, but Rhea made it ten times easier. She went to the dining hall and saw that Christophe had two books stacked in Cassandra’s usual chair. She picked them up herself and put them on the table.

“Where have you been? I was starting to get worried. You _never_ miss dinner,” Christophe said, with a teasing smile.

“Lady Rhea’s office.”

“Oh, you’re still helping her out?”

“Yeah. I dunno how long we’re doing it, but I won’t complain!”

Christophe rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know you won’t...I’m glad you’re happy, though. You’re literally glowing, Cass, no joke.”

“Well, I can’t help it. She’s...” Cassandra exhaled. “I can’t think of a word for it. I’m gonna go fill up my plate. Maybe that’ll jog my memory a little.”

* * *

To Cassandra’s surprise and excitement, they kept talking. Rhea, against all odds, even found Cassandra entertaining. Cassandra tended to make jokes when she was nervous, and Rhea made her very nervous, so she made a lot of jokes—ones that weren’t really any good. Still, Rhea laughed. Rhea was still a little stiff, not talking about too much outside of everyday monastery goings-on. Cassandra knew she had no right to be picky, but sometimes, she wanted to have deeper conversations—conversations about life, about death, about love, about all of the things she sometimes couldn’t bring herself to imagine.

But, of course, discussions like that would lead back to the elephant in the room. Cassandra had made her feelings for Rhea clear, and Rhea probably didn’t return them. After all, wouldn’t she have said so if she did? Cassandra decided to be a little more head-on with her approach. That’s how she was with most things.

They were sitting in Rhea’s office, having one of their casual talks, when Cassandra made her move. “Lady Rhea, I wanted to tell you something,” Cassandra said.

“Yes, my dear?”

Rhea looked up from her work, giving Cassandra her full attention. What Cassandra was about to say was difficult, but she felt like it was the easiest starting point for what she really wanted to say. “About the talk that we had, the day you and Seteth called me here. I think I’m sure now. That the things the other students were saying are true. I, um...I like girls.”

“...Right. I figured.” Rhea peaked her fingers atop her desk, pursing her lips. “I did not want to push you. I knew you would come to the conclusion on your own.”

“Huh. I guess I did,” Cassandra said. _Although, you were a great help just by existing._ “But, that’s not all I wanted to say. I wanted to make sure that you knew that I...I love you.”

That garnered more of a reaction. Rhea seemed to be recoiling, almost, at the sound of Cassandra’s confession. Cassandra had always felt bold. Had she ever even felt scared before? Fear had no place in her before, but when Rhea was looking at her like that...how could she not be afraid? 

“Thank you, Cassandra.” Cassandra averted her eyes. “However, I’m sure you know that I am not able to...or, perhaps, I shouldn’t—”

“I know, I know,” Cassandra quickly said. “I’m a student, and you’re the archbishop, but I—I don’t know what to do. I’m just...I’ve never felt like this before. That’s all. I keep having these feelings, but I don’t know what to do with them.”

“I understand, truly. But we must—you must show some restraint.”

_“We”? What’s she holding back?_ Again, Cassandra said, “I know. I just had to tell you. Now that I’ve come to terms with all of this, it feels like it’s gotten ten times harder to ignore. Sorry...”

Rhea smiled—but it was tense. And short. “No need to apologize. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share these things with me. But, Cassandra, just keep in mind that...I cannot return your feelings. You do understand, don’t you?”

Of course. Cassandra had known that the whole time. She was chasing after a silly dream. Maybe it was good that Rhea shot her down. She could get over it, move on. Rhea was too good of a person to lead anybody on. Cassandra decided to think of it that way.

“I get it.”

“I knew you would understand,” Rhea said. She sounded almost _proud._ Proud of the fact that Cassandra was taking her defeat without a single outward hint of sadness. 

But inside, it felt like she was being torn in half.

* * *

The office work circled back around to being excruciatingly boring, because Cassandra couldn’t bring herself to strike up a conversation again. And at that point, Cassandra didn’t even have the privilege of escaping to her (fictional but comforting) fantasies of Rhea. Not after she got shot down like that. She’d finally come to accept her emotions for what they were, and for what? For the person who’d helped her along to reject her? She almost felt a bit cheated. Rhea was stuck in her head, and things only seemed to be getting worse.

Those intimately silent moments in Rhea’s office, although painful, were more telling than Cassandra had ever imagined they would be. Every time her eyes wandered over to Rhea, her thoughts got more wildly inappropriate, more lustful. She didn’t know what it was like to make love to another woman, she didn’t know what they would do, but she didn’t need a concrete image. The glimpses of bare skin in her mind, the butchered sound clips of what she imagined Rhea’s cries of pleasure to sound like, were enough to get her going. She’d end up sitting in Rhea’s office, anxious and lonely and horny like she’d never been before, and nothing to do about it.

Their eyes seemed to meet each other much more often. Cassandra always looked back down at her work when it happened, but Rhea didn’t seem to look away. When she finally did, Cassandra would see her staring out of the window, aimlessly. Contemplating. Once again, Cassandra felt like something had to be done, but she’d used up her reserve of bravery by confessing to Rhea the first time, and the tension seemed to be even more tangible.

So, Cassandra let the days pass like that. Neither of them would speak, save for words that were necessary, and Cassandra didn’t think her feelings fit into that category.

* * *

“Another mock battle, huh? Someone’s seriously gonna get hurt one of these days...”

“That’s the _point,_ Christophe.” Cassandra had filled her plate up. A nice stash of food always got her worked up for battle, and her next one was in an hour’s time. She had to quickly pile some food into her stomach or else they were sure to lose. “I hope that Goneril kid shows his face. If I see him on the field, it’s all over for him! I don’t care if there’s thirty soldiers between us. I see one flash of pink, and I’m off—”

“I hope this doesn’t mean you’ll be disregarding our battle formations, Miss Charon.”

Cassandra groaned inwardly when Hanneman sat his plate down next to hers. He’d been making more of an effort to “bond with his students” and “become a positive force in their lives”, which Cassandra believed was a result of her beating up half of the academy. If she’d have known what trouble it would cause her, she might have held back.

Christophe, on the other hand, seemed to be overjoyed to see Hanneman. He didn't like bloodshed all that much until he was prodded into it, but he loved discussing white magic and battle tactics. “Good morning, Professor! Cass is just joking, I bet. She really does have it out for Holst, though.”

“He’s arrogant. I hate people like that,” Cassandra said, poking at her food. “I have a few other words I could use to describe him, but since our good professor is here...”

Hanneman sighed, cutting the spinach in his salad before delicately taking a bite. “You know what they say, Cassandra: those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones...”

“Whatever that means. All I’m saying is, he’s annoying, and if I see him, I’m going at him full-force.”

“If he’s within your range, please do,” Hanneman said. “But don’t go out of your way. I’ll put this in your perspective: will it really matter that you beat Holst in a little scrap if we lose the entire battle? Then he’ll have a win to herald over you.”

_I hate it when he’s right...oh, well. I guess he’s a professor for a reason._ “Fine, I concede. I’ll leave him alone if he’s _too_ out of the way.”

“Besides...Lady Rhea is coming to watch us. You ought to be on your best beha—”

“Lady Rhea? Watching our mock battle?” Cassandra had a lot of questions after that, but all she could blurt out was, “Why?”

Christophe frowned. “Are you in trouble again? She might just be keeping an eye on you.”

If it were up to Cassandra, Rhea would be keeping an eye on her for entirely different reasons. “Trouble? Not that I know of.”

“No, no trouble,” Hanneman said. “She simply wishes to see her students hard at work. Don’t disappoint me, and, for the love of Pete, don’t disappoint the Archbishop.”

Disappointing Hanneman? Cassandra couldn’t care less if she tried. Besides, despite her small delinquencies from time to time, she always made good marks in class. No, Hanneman wasn’t the hurdle she had to jump over. It was Rhea. Cassandra had to impress her, had to make her mark on Rhea’s heart. Rhea seemed to be ignoring her words completely—that was fine. Cassandra was never too good with her words, anyway, and people always told her that actions speak louder.

Cassandra speared a piece of meat to her fork. Hanneman and Christophe were discussing battle tactics; she decided to tune in for once.


	3. Chapter 3

Cassandra’s body had trained itself to be ready for battle at all times. When she stepped onto the battlefield, she felt like she was at home. But when she saw Rhea, standing off to the side surrounded by knights and a stalwart Seteth, she felt like her home had been intruded upon. It wasn’t an unwelcome intrusion, but there was a different feel to the battlefield, a different buzz. Cassandra surveyed the field, looking for Holst. She didn’t really pay much attention to the Black Eagle house, despite their overwhelming political power; no, she had it out for the Golden Deer and their full-of-himself leader. Nothing like a little trash-talking to set him up for failure.

Cassandra tended to hate people like Holst off the bat, which kind of sucked, since they were pretty similar. They both liked a good fight, they both liked good grub...but he was a little more stuck-up than her, a little too into himself. Cassandra eventually declared the Golden Deer to be the official rival of the Blue Lions, which nobody really paid much attention to besides Holst and Cassandra themselves. She always made it a point to remind him just how much better than him she was before every battle, though.

With that head of bright pink hair, it was hard to miss him. He was surrounded by the other students of his house, and he was undoubtedly bragging about something. Hanneman was talking to the rest of the Blue Lion house, and he was undoubtedly going to ask her to say something as the house leader, but...well, the Blue Lions had enough pride. If anything, Christophe could give a pep talk in her stead. Besides, after you’ve punched a few of your classmates, your authority as a house leader tends to drop a bit.

Instead of sticking around, Cassandra slipped away, heading over to the Golden Deer’s starting position on the field. If she was lucky, Rhea wouldn’t notice that she had walked away. It was only a matter of minutes before they sounded the horn signalling the start of the battle, so Cassandra hustled over to Holst. He turned when he heard her coming, and she prepared herself for a smug remark.

Instead, he said, quite evenly, “Cassandra. What brings you over here?”

“I’m just here to let you know that you’re gonna be taking a nice little nap in the dirt today,” Cassandra said, smirking. “Hope you brought your blankie.”

Holst chuckled, a little weak-sounding. Cassandra was...surprised, to say the least. It usually took a little more to get Holst down. Maybe he was already unsure of himself. “Well, I...I hope you brought yours!”

“What a weak comeback! What, have you already accepted that you’re gonna lose? At least give me some competition.”

The rest of Holst’s house, his professor included, looked on in confusion as Holst stepped towards Cassandra. “Look. Can we...can we talk? Really quickly, before the battle begins?”

Cassandra furrowed her brow. “About what?”

“Just...c’mon.” Holst walked away from his house, taking Cassandra to a patch of grass where only the two of them stood. Cassandra looked over at Rhea. She was whispering to Seteth, and the knights were readying their horns. They’d be starting soon. 

“Make it quick. What do you want? And why are we over here?”

“I wanted to ask you about the rumors. The ones about you, and...your preferences, and whatnot.”

Oh, great. That again. Of course, Holst wanted to kick her while she was down. She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d started them. Sure, they turned out to be not exactly  _ false, _ but he’d certainly started them with malicious intent. “Yeah? Did you come to tell me you started them?”

“What? No. I have better things to do.”

“Sure you do, Goneril. What do you want, then?”

“I just—I heard. About you beating up all the students over the things you said. And I know you appreciate a good fight just as much as I do, but it sucks that you had to do that over this kind of thing. It wasn’t fair for them to treat you like that, and...well, I get it. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Cassandra blinked. Well, that was unexpected. Holst was bulkier than her, but shorter, and she looked down at him with suspicion. “You ‘get it’, huh...?” Cassandra thought back to her first discussion with Rhea. The hints Rhea had left her, although subtle, that she was too afraid to ask about. With Holst, though, she had no reason not to ask. “So, you’re gay? Is that what you’re saying?”

Holst recoiled a bit. “Depends. Are you?”

“You answer first.”

Holst huffed, tilting his chin up. “Fine. Be difficult, then. I won’t tell you. But if you want to go getting into fights again...just let me know so I can swoop in and steal the win.”

Was that an offer of friendship? Well, not friendship. Companionship, maybe? Whatever it was, Cassandra wasn’t sure if she should be thankful for it or not, and she had no time for more banter. The knights were raising their horns, sounding the start of the battle. Cassandra looked over at her house a few yards away—it was hard to see them, but she knew Hanneman was seething.

“Thanks for trying to be nice, but I’m still going to kick your ass,” Cassandra said.

“We’ll see about that. You better get back to your little lion cubs before I beat you up myself.”

* * *

Of course, Cassandra didn’t brag for nothing. With Lady Rhea standing nearby, she had a lot to accomplish, and she made sure she accomplished it. The battle was fierce, but the Blue Lions were victorious.

Cassandra made sure she was the one who stood out the most. She really  _ was _ similar to Holst, the way she was driving through enemies, making sure she was the one who got the last hit in. Did she disregard a few of Hanneman’s precious battle strategies? Probably, but she didn’t really know them in the first place, so it wasn’t on purpose. All she wanted to do was make sure Rhea was watching, made sure she did something  _ worth _ watching. She knew Rhea’s eyes were on her. She didn’t know how she knew, but she  _ knew. _ She was swift with her sword, confident with her stride. She did so well that she didn’t even mind not being able to cross paths with Holst. 

By the end of it all, Cassandra still felt like she could go for hours, adrenaline pumping through her veins. A few of her classmates had retreated, but that was fine—that made it easier for Rhea to watch her.

It was nothing but a normal mock battle, but Cassandra felt more victorious than ever. Rhea  _ saw _ her win. Cassandra made her way back to the dining hall for a celebratory late lunch with Christophe, grinning the whole way there.

Christophe, as usual, was one of the first to retreat. That came in handy, this time around; he was able to give Cassandra a play by play of Rhea’s behavior. “Maybe it was just me, but it  _ did _ seem like she was looking at you,” he said. They were splitting a huge hunk of pie—Cassandra usually didn’t like sharing, but she was in a pretty good mood. “I think I even saw her smile a few times. Other times, she looked a little concerned for you.”

“She doesn’t have to be! She knows how  _ strong _ I am,” Cassandra said, flexing her arms for emphasis. Christophe laughed at her, and she laughed too. She felt good. She’d been a little weighed down the past few days—first from the relentless teasing, then from the sadness of getting rejected. But she felt good, confident. She’d have to talk to Rhea again. Maybe, if she was lucky, Rhea saw something in her on the battlefield. 

Something she couldn’t deny.

* * *

To Cassandra’s chagrin, Rhea didn’t call her into the office that evening, but the next day, Cassandra was there early in the afternoon. It was a Sunday, so she didn’t have much to do besides help Rhea, and she was glad to do it. She could hardly focus on her work, though—she just had to ask, to know if Rhea was watching.

“Lady Rhea?”

“Yes, dear?”

_ It’s so hard to focus when you call me names like that... _ “You were at the mock battle yesterday, right? What did you think?”

“Congratulations on your victory, of course. I never expected anything less,” Rhea said. She sounded proud. That was good. “You made me very happy with your performance. Professor Hanneman has taught you well.”

“Y-yeah, he did, but...I’ve been training a lot, too! Even on my free days,” Cassandra insisted.

“Of course, darling. I know you have. I’d never detract from your merit. You did great work.”  _ Good. As long as you know! _ “I am quite curious...if you do not mind me asking, what were you discussing with Holst before the battle began? The leader of the Golden Deer house, I mean.”

“Oh, Holst? Ugh,” Cassandra said. She didn’t mind showing a bit of disdain. Rhea had made it clear that whatever she said was said in confidence. “That guy. He’s so  _ into _ himself. It’s annoying.”

Rhea hummed, suddenly interested. “Do you really think so? I see. Let me ask you something: where do you draw the line between a healthy level of confidence and arrogance?”

“That’s a hard question. I guess you just have to know? Like, me—I know what I’ve got, and what I’ve got is pretty good. But, Holst? He’s totally different. Just so full of himself,” Cassandra said. “We’re different, really! I’m nothing like him. So, I went over to just...I guess, size him up a bit, before the battle. But he...he said some really strange things.”

“Such as?”

“He talked about the rumors that the other students started. And then he told me that he understood me, or something. And so...I just asked him. If he was gay.”

“Quite bold of you. How did he respond?”

“He didn’t, really. But, I think he might be. He told me he has my back, I think. It...it felt kind of nice. He still needs to take it down a notch or three, but he’s not all-around bad, now that I think about it.”

Rhea seemed very pleased, smiling brightly. “How darling. I’m glad you’ve made a friend in him. This rings quite true to what we discussed before, does it not?”

“What we discussed before...you mean when you were talking about people that I’ll meet who feel the same way as me, right?”

“Precisely. I hope you find comfort in knowing you can speak to Holst about these kinds of things.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda nice. Although, I don’t really talk to him unless I’m trying to tick him off,” Cassandra admitted, sheepishly. “But he’s...yeah. He’s an alright guy.” A little silence yawned over the room as Cassandra contemplated Holst. He was vague, but so was she—for all she knew, it could have been a gag, or a setup. Then again, he seemed embarrassed talking with her about it, bashful, especially as he pulled her away from his classmates. And he said he “got” it. Had he been bothered about it, too? But he seemed pretty manly, so why would anybody assume that of him? He was bulky, had a nice little beard. Sure, Cassandra had never seen him hitting on women, but she’d never seen him hitting on men. Maybe she’d have to ask him again—and give him an honest answer, too. Before that, though, she had someone else to ask. “Lady Rhea? When you said all that about finding people who just want to live their lives, and all that...were you talking about yourself, too?”

Rhea didn’t seem at all shocked or put-off by the question, which gave Cassandra all the answers she needed. She was right. Of course. “Yes. I was.”

“So, you like women, then.”

“I do,” Rhea said, but with a sigh. A longing sigh. “I’ve known it for a long time. Since I was a little girl. My mother was very accepting of me. However, it seems as if humanity has moved backwards since...the time when I was young. People developed their own ideas of what was right and what was wrong, and those ideas spread. And now, it’s come to this.”

“People didn’t care about this kind of thing when you were younger?”

“Some still don’t. But those who do oppose tend to be quite loud about it, which creates an environment that nobody feels comfortable living openly in.”

“Yeah. I guess that makes sense. So, you...” Cassandra flushed a bit. “You don’t get to date, then?”

“No. I do not. As the figurehead of the Church of Seiros, it would be irresponsible of me to do such a thing under scrutiny of the public eye.”

Cassandra couldn’t hold it back anymore. She had to know. She couldn’t bear it anymore. “Is that why you said no to me?”

“Cassandra...”

“I know what you said, but something...something doesn’t sit right, okay? I’m sorry. Something’s not right, and I can’t just leave it like this. When you said no to me, I don’t think you wanted to,” Cassandra said. It was all or nothing. She would lay herself bare, and she would only take no for an answer when she felt like Rhea had done the same. “You said ‘we have to show restraint’. ‘We’. So you’re holding something back, too, right? For what? You don’t...you don’t have to. Right? Just be honest with me. That’s all I—”

“You said it yourself before. You are a student, and I am the archbishop—never mind the fact that we’re both women. It’s dangerous,” Rhea said. Her body language had changed completely. She wasn’t making eye contact, she was grabbing at her shawl. “It would be reckless if we—”

“But it would be worth it, wouldn’t it? I think...I think it’d be worth it. I know I’m still figuring this out, but...I’m not a kid. You know that, right? I’m mature enough to know if I’m making a mistake, and I’m mature enough to know what I want,” Cassandra retorted. She didn’t realize how brave (and suggestive) she sounded until after she’d said it. It was too late to take what she said back—why not go all the way? “I want you, Lady Rhea. Nobody else.  _ Nothing _ else. During the mock battle today, I was fighting for you. I wanted you to see me, to  _ really _ see me, not just to brush me off because it’s easier to do. I just want you to be honest, even if the honest answer is a rejection. So, please...”

Cassandra had never seen pure shock on Rhea’s face before then. She had to hold strong, had to show Rhea she was serious. Rhea seemed to be contemplating her. It was hard to keep her nerves under control when Rhea was looking at her so intently, with so much hanging over them. 

“Goddess, we shouldn’t do this—how could I...” Rhea sighed, shaking her head. “But I can no longer deny you, can I? To leave my own feelings unsaid when you’ve been so direct and honest with me would be a disservice to you, and your lovely spirit, and your kind heart...”

“A-are you saying that you feel the same way? You love me, too?”  _ This can’t be real, can it? Am I dreaming? _

“Yes, Cassandra. I love you,” Rhea said. Her voice was uncharacteristically quiet, like she couldn’t bring herself to say it too loudly.

But, regardless, she said it. She  _ said _ it. Cassandra didn’t know how to respond. She’d dreamed about what Rhea would sound like, saying those sacred words to her, but she’d never imagined they would come true. She’d never imagined what would come after, and she was excited to find out. Cassandra put her hand atop the table, palm facing upwards. Rhea placed hers on top, and they curled their fingers together.

_ How could I have ever thought this wasn’t love? _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> between this chapter and the last, the world got trapped in a pandemic.
> 
> life comes at ya fast!

_ Rhea is spread out on a bed—whose bed, Cassandra can’t quite make out—and she’s moaning. Her hips are rolling forward, her clothes are on the floor, and she’s desperate. Cassandra is on top of her, but she doesn’t know why, or what she’s doing. There’s an unmistakable heat between them. Cassandra is just as needy as Rhea is, and her heart is beating too fast for her to keep up at all. _

_ Rhea is making faces that Cassandra has never seen before, never imagined. Her cheeks are red and glossed with sweat and her eyes are glistening. Cassandra doesn’t know what this feeling is, it’s impossible to describe, but she thinks it’ll drive her insane if she doesn’t chase it down. _

_ So, she does, moving on top of Rhea and watching her expressions change. Those sounds Rhea makes—her face—her body—Cassandra feels dizzy. _

* * *

The next day, they were doing the same as they had done before. Sitting, working, talking about whatever Cassandra could think up. Outwardly, nothing had changed; anybody passing by would have thought Rhea was just working with a student, especially since most monastery workers had gotten used to Cassandra being nearby. However, Cassandra and Rhea themselves knew the truth of things. Silently, they regarded each other in a different way than they had before. Cassandra knew why her behavior had changed: the dream she’d had the night before, the dream that almost felt like a memory. Why Rhea seemed so intense, Cassandra didn’t know. The brief moments of eye contact they had were more charged. If someone looked long enough, they might have noticed.

Cassandra didn’t want anybody to notice, though. Rhea wanted their relationship to stay a secret for obvious reasons, but Cassandra had her own; she didn’t  _ want _ anybody else to be let in on their little secret, something that they shared. Really, if it were up to her, nobody else would know anything about Rhea at all. Of course, that was too much to ask, she knew it, but there was something so thrilling about learning something new about her lover, and she didn’t want to share that feeling with anybody.

“I hope I never run out of new things to learn about you,” Cassandra said. “But if I do, then I’ll just spend all my time dedicating myself to memorizing the things I already know down to the letter.”

“You  _ are _ dedicated, aren’t you?”

“Of course!”

Cassandra was stamping papers for Rhea, swiftly and methodically. Rhea wasn’t doing anything in particular at the moment, besides watching Cassandra. Cassandra kept thinking of her eyes in that dream, her  _ gaze, _ the wanting in it. It made her stomach turn, but not in the way that made her nauseous. But she  _ did _ feel pretty hot...

Rhea spoke again, and Cassandra forced herself back into focus. “As am I. I’ve been keeping an eye on you for quite some time, so I’ve acquired a few tidbits of information of my own. It’s interesting, getting to know your preferences.” Cassandra almost wanted to tell Rhea to name a few, but that would have seemed too competitive. Too argumentative. Instead, Rhea started to name some on her own. “You’re not too good at math, you’re quite the sore loser, and you tend to act a bit more arrogantly when you’re unsure of yourself.”

_ What? Aw, man...those are all bad things...and only one of them is true! _ Still, Cassandra didn’t argue. There was a  _ little _ bit of truth to it all, she supposed. “I guess my favorite thing I learned about you...is that you’re kind of a romantic, I’d say.”

Rhea blushed at that, and Cassandra wondered if she shouldn’t have said it. “Yes, I...I am rather fond of romance stories, the mystery of love, things like that. I hardly have time to read for pleasure as of late, but novels of that genre often catch my attention.”

“We should do something cutesy like that. Like a date,” Cassandra said. She gasped, grinning. “Yeah, a date!”

“Ah—well, I’d love to, but it will be a little difficult. I’m sure there are some who already find it strange that we spend so much time with one another,” Rhea pointed out. Cassandra shrank a little bit. Yeah, Rhea was right. They were already in a pretty suspicious spot. They couldn’t exactly go strolling around Garreg Mach holding hands. “However, I won’t be opposed to doing something here. If you can find something more...portable that we can do here together, I’d certainly be willing to take some time out of the day to do it with you.”

“Something we can do here...?” Cassandra was drawing a blank, but whatever. She’d figure something out. “Yeah! I got it! I’m already so bursting to the brim with ideas, my head might fall off and roll across the floor!”

Rhea chuckled. “How...violently endearing. I’ll be sure to come up with a few ideas of my own, as well. How does this Sunday sound?”

_ Two days from now...that’s really not enough time, but I’ll make it work. _ “Okay. This Sunday.”

* * *

Cassandra had been neglecting Christophe a bit as of late, so that evening, she made sure to head over to his room for some one-on-one time. She felt bad for dropping him like a sack of rocks once her and Rhea started dating (oh, Goddess, was it really alright for her to say that? They were really dating!), but Christophe was a bit soft, and he didn’t care either way so long as Cassandra spoke to him eventually. She wanted to explain herself, and she usually did, but this time...it was a little harder. She would have loved to brag about her and Rhea, about all that had happened, but she had to respect Rhea’s wishes.

Like always, Christophe didn’t ask why Cassandra hadn't hung out with him. He merely said, “Haven’t seen you in a while!” And then, they started to talk about cafeteria favorites and class lectures. Cassandra noticed something while she was sitting with Christophe: she was still more relaxed around him than Rhea. She had felt herself loosening up in the past few days, though, getting more accustomed to Rhea’s presence. Nothing compared to her best friend, though.

“So, how’s the punishment going?”

“I wouldn’t even call it a punishment! I’m having the time of my life,” Cassandra said, beaming. Of course, she couldn’t say  _ why, _ but...well, he didn’t need to know why. She was lounging on his bed, and he was sitting on the floor—she tended to take over spaces like that. “Seriously, every moment I’m in one of old Hanneman’s lectures, I’m just thinking about going back to her office...”

“Yeah. Seems like you’ve been in there more often, lately.”

That made Cassandra perk up. She was used to Christophe being more...passive. Any other time, she wouldn’t have minded that remark, but it sounded a bit venomous. Or, maybe she was being too sensitive. Still, she had to ask. Gently, she prodded, “What do you mean? Sorry if you felt I was neglecting you.”

“No, not that. Just—don’t you find it a bit strange? How she’s suddenly taken this interest in you?” Christophe had been reading over his lecture notes, but he looked up at Cassandra, suddenly.

“It’s just because of all that happened. I guess she just wants to check in on me?”

“Holst beats people up all the time. I don’t see him in Lady Rhea’s office.”

“Yeah, well, that’s different.” Cassandra sat up, frowning down at Christophe. “What’s with you?”

Christophe sighed. For what it was worth, he sounded a bit regretful. “I dunno...I’ve just been thinking. About Lady Rhea, and the Church...I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I didn’t want to burst your bubble.”

“Uh...what exactly is there to think about, though? Are you one of those conspiracy theorists, or something?”

Cassandra laughed at that, but Christophe didn’t. His face didn’t change at all. “Not a conspiracy theorist. You just have to wonder.”

“Christophe, what the fuck are you talking about? Now you’re pissing me off,” Cassandra said. When did Christophe start to look so punchable? “You’ve never wondered about anything, why start now?”

“Maybe that’s the problem. I never wondered about anything.” Christophe still sounded calm, which only made Cassandra angrier. “We were told that the Archbishop leads the Church, and that she’s a keystone example of the proper practice of faith. That she recites the word of the Goddess. But nobody ever questioned it. We all just went along with it. You have to explore all possibilities, don’t you? That’s all I’m saying.”

“No, that’s  _ not _ all you’re saying. You’re accusing Lady Rhea of something, and you don’t even know what you’re accusing her of. And what does all this have to do with me going to her office? C’mon, listen to yourself.”

Christophe closed his notebook, standing up and stretching. All of a sudden, he seemed normal again, but...he still looked different. Cassandra saw something in his face that she hadn’t seen before, and she hated it. “No, you’re right. I’m not accusing her of anything at all, really. Sorry. Maybe I’m just...thinking too hard. I’ve been a little upset not being able to hang out with you, Cass. Guess I’ve had too much time to myself.”

_ Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. _ She wasn’t boiling-hot angry with him, because she knew he tended to be gullible, tended to be stupid. Someone must have said something weird to him, she decided. Maybe it was her fault for being up in Rhea’s office all the time. But, jeez—all it took was a week or so of not hanging out that often, and he went insane? She’d have to keep a close eye on him.

“Yeah. My bad. I’m sorry. I’ll keep up with you more, just like we always do,” Cassandra said. “Don’t go getting yourself locked in a straitjacket, in the meantime.”

They shared a laugh, but the room felt tense. Cassandra got off of his bed, and they wished each other good night. They hardly ever wished each other good night. They’d always fall asleep in the other’s room, or Cassandra would make some outrageously corny joke and Christophe would pretend like it was so bad that he had to leave, or something like that. It felt weird to say good night to him.

But, in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to leave.


End file.
